Dear Inner Circle,
We live in a world obsessed with efficiency, one that pays consultants a lot of money to make sure nothing is wasted — that every input produces a predictable output, that resources go where they’ll generate the most ROI. It’s a real pity because love has never worked like that. It’s offered freely, with no thought of return — at least not the kind of return we’re used to counting in investments.
It isn’t a rational decision either. You can’t know anything beyond the present moment when you love. You can’t always tell, from where you’re standing, what will land on a heart ready to receive it, and what will sit as an unopened gift. Sometimes you find out years later. Sometimes you never find out at all.
This week we marked two moments. One was the tragic death of a young man who was fighting hard to lead a life no longer depending on the drugs he was first introduced to at the tender age of eight. To know him and his struggle was to know deep laughter and deep suffering simultaneously; his laugh and his smile will forever remain in our hearts. On nearly the same day, across town, a baby was born to a proud father who shared his excitement far and wide. The grief and pain we now carry are a reminder that the love was real. The joy we also share is a reminder that love isn’t offered in halves. Both receive the same love.
We are gently invited to stay open to all of it, to give freely without checking the ledger as no act of love goes unrecorded on the heart. When the pain strikes, gratitude and laughter help turn me back around. The sheer, foolish amount of love that gets given at Wayside with no thought of what it will produce, no calculation of return, goes out anyway, onto ground we can’t test in advance. Some of it comes back as grief, some as joy, and neither cancels the other out.
Sitting with a sister who was deep in her dark hour, we shared a cup of tea, and someone else wisely interrupted our chat: “You don’t own those thoughts, Sis. They are visiting you. You can hear them, but you don’t have to agree with them. You could tell them another story.” We sat quietly as she shed a few tears, then she looked up: “Yeah, I am a mad, bad motherf*&g Queen, and ain’t nothing dragged me down so far that I couldn’t get back up! Eff off, stupid thoughts!” Now, that is spiritual counsel you don’t often hear spoken so clearly and concisely, and all our hearts were lifted as one.
Thank you for being part of the Inner Circle,
Jon
Rev. Jon Owen
CEO & Pastor
Wayside Chapel
